Time flies when you think you're having fun but are really ignorant of everything going on around that would slow you down in life

I really do not know how to stay in touch
touch?
yes, I do that
I feel my way through life
I taste
I sample

a little bit of everything

how
something so sweet can leave a bitter taste in my mouth
I know not why I attach myself to such repulsive acts
but find the comfort in vulnerability
the maddening comfort

I reach out my hands and grab what is in front of me
half the time
half and half
only I drink my coffee black
the other half my mind does the grabbing, the groping, the
slipping up, and it is well lubricated track of thought

my mind reaches but my hands are still
silently ticking
my hands long to encompass yet the factory gates are
closed, or all the workers are on lunch, a smoke break
perhaps
you will never get a job done that way
half-heartedly
left-brained right-brained wrong-brained
and this idea of what it is wrong to think of

the automaton could satisfy itself endlessly
until consciousness comes in and shuts down the whole operation
all those moral lessons that sounded so good
do nothing for you
because no one told you the fairest of all morals are your
god-damned own

my hands and mind would like to be in perfect unison
but I have two of a kind and one of how many?
and no idea what to do with them
how to control myself, my direction, momentum
or any understanding of how anything external controls me
yet it happens still that I am caught between the divide
neither lesser and no greater

I know how to work the parts but I am still reading between
the pages of the manual for something that I will never find
a truth never written
only made to be upheld
upheld to be made true
declaration of independent thinking

Birdwatching at the sewage reservoir. Kanab, Utah.